For mentors and mentees
It is how the mentee experiences the mentoring relationship that determines its success; if all his/her expected outcomes are achieved the relationship is effective.
This section explains the ways mentors and mentees can get the most out of the relationship.
Find the perfect match
First of all mentoring schemes tend to work best when they are voluntary; informal relationships tend to be more sincere.
Matching can depend on the following: gender, ethnicity, specific technical skills or subject specialty, similar experiences, age, status, and experience.
A structured approach to selection always ensures a better match of candidates, sometimes psychometric tests are used to judge suitability.
Understanding the mentoring process
All mentoring relationships follow a life cycle.
The process starts with rapport building: creating good first impressions; dressing appropriately; working to create an environment of trust; employing positive body language; being self-effacing and adopting ice-breaking techniques.
The next step involves setting the direction. A lot depends on whether the mentee has a good idea of where they want to go; this will dictate the level of the mentor's input.
Progress making involves maintaining and building the relationship by establishing boundaries, delivering to plans, finding appropriate support, and understanding progress.
An effective mentoring relationship takes into account the careful handling of the winding down phase. At this point both of you will recognise all has been achieved and you can start assessing the outcomes of the relationship.
What mentors need to do to build an effective relationship
The best place to start is to understand what your mentee wants.
They'll want you to show empathy. It is unlikely all your experiences will match their ambitions; but unless you can understand their point of view you're unlikely to have a good working relationship.
Challenge your mentee constructively. They might benefit from being stretched by setting their ambitions higher or addressing "uncomfortable" issues. The mentee might not appreciate it at the time, but you might be thanked for it in the future!
Look to provide advice instead of "the answer". Mentees often need guidance rather than a prescriptive solution. Sometimes a few practical pointers can produce dramatic improvements.
Friendship; you don't have to be the mentee's greatest friend, but without respect, trust and a degree of liking the relationship will feel uncomfortable.
They will want to know how the organisation works. Your greater knowledge and experience of people within the organisation could prove invaluable.
Help in building networks can be important. Your ability to make introductions, or to identify/contact the right person could help steer your mentee on their chosen career path.
Should your mentee need to make a difficult decision, or rehearse a difficult conversation, you could be a useful sounding board to help him/her think it through.
Help them prioritise their ambitions and actions. Lack of direction sometimes results from being confused about the way forward.
Sometimes mentors help just by being there and listening when the mentee needs someone to talk to not directly involved in an issue. Never underestimate the importance of the feel-good factor. Think about each session so you begin to know instinctively when to talk, when to listen and when to encourage silence for reflection.
Overall the effective relationship empowers the individual to be confident in his or her own abilities. This is achieved by nurturing your mentee and creating self-awareness.
Our Mentors Handbook provides practical advice on the first stages of mentoring.
What mentees need to do
You're only likely to get out of the relationship what you're prepared to put in. Taking ownership may seem scary but it might energise you into getting the most from your sessions.
From the outset give your mentor the respect and recognition they deserve; their time and energy is as precious as yours. Preparing for your mentoring sessions also helps. In between sessions, reflect on what what's been discussed, your progression and what you want from future sessions.
Take advantage of your mentor's wisdom and experience but don't hold back from challenging them where you think it's necessary and constructive; the disagreements can make the relationship healthy and stimulating.
Be honest at all times, particularly in your feedback on the effectiveness of the mentoring process. Don't be afraid to suggest the mentoring relationship isn't working; otherwise you'll be wasting both your time and the time of the mentor.